Playing Catch Up

Wowee. I have so much to catch up on!!

First, I apologize for the hiatus. It's been a bit hectic lately. Being a mom can throw some major curve balls in my direction, and I've been scrambling to catch them.

For example, I received a frantic phone call from my husband yesterday, panicking and asking where I should take our 11-month old daughter, Maddie, for an emergency...she fell on the asphalt and was passing out. That's all I got.

So, in typical mom fashion, I teared up, ran to my boss, explained, and drove 90mph down the highway, hazards on, tears rolling down my cheeks. The thought of something happening to my baby killed me. Fortunately, after a million calls to my husband and my mother-in-law, one of them finally called me back with news that she was up, playing, and had just had a CAT scan done.

She's all bruised up, but luckily, my baby's little brain is okay.


God forbid anything happens to her. I don't know what I would have done then, and I still don't know what I would do now or in the future.

The short version of what happened? My mother-in-law had her wrapped in a towel after playing in the pool, went to stand up, and Maddie fell out of the towel, head first. The pool now resides in the grass.

On top of that, she had a well-baby checkup last week that resulted in me finding out that there's an extra 'whoosh' in her heartbeat, so upon her next visit, they'll be checking it to make sure it hasn't changed.

After the ER visit in Cincinnati, this, and the ER visit yesterday, Madelyn's put me through enough heart-stopping moments before she's even a year old...I'm ready for a break.

Anyways, be ready for a good post tonight...lots of deep stuff, fun stuff, and healthy stuff to talk about!

Just When You Think Fortune Cookies Are A Hoax...

About a month ago, I came across a fortune that I stuck up on my refrigerator. Why? This wasn't just any fortune...this was a very important fortune that came at a time when I needed it to. Granted, thanks to life, I haven't been great about getting myself worked into a lifestyle that will guarantee this fortune...but seeing it again two nights ago seriously pumped me up.


How's THAT for a fortune, people!?!

What's even better is that I received a gift from work yesterday. After all of the role-hopping and extra work I've put in, they decided to reward some of us with a gift card. See, we met a milestone a month early. The reward amount?

A $500 VISA gift card!

So see...fortune cookies aren't a hoax all of the time. Hehe. I plan to save that card for some shopping when I hit my goals. I believe I deserve it, and luckily, the hubby feels the same way. Gotta love him!!

Speaking of new clothes, there are two dresses I bought in small sizes for when I reach goals. These dresses are hanging in plain view all the time...and I'm starting to feel an itch to wear 'em.

I need to take a better picture of them. They're AWESOME!

I can't write much more right now (I had to tell you about the fortune!), but I have a pretty deep blog post to put up in a little bit after I get in some yoga. Be on the lookout...

Goals For Week Of 6/1/10

Goals time!

Since I was interrupted by the disaster vacation, I have several "get on track" plans for this week:

1. Debloat.

• Up my water intake.
• Have a detox juice. (Made with fresh veggies and fruit and my own juicer.)
• Eat as clean as possible.

2. Plan a healthy menu for the rest of the week, including lunches.

3. Start my workout program. Time to feel some burn. (By the end of the week, I want my body sore all over.)

4. Weigh in Saturday, along with measurements. This gives me time to debloat from the trip.

An Epiphany Amidst A Disaster Weekend

Oh how I am grateful that I have survived this weekend.

As a quick recap, it all began with a minute, yet completely inconvenient boo boo: we left the diaper bag somewhere between Bob Evans and Wendy's. Not sure which state we were in, but we stopped, for the fiftieth time, for Hannah to go potty, at a McDonald's. Now normally, Herrick would gladly get a sweet tea, but, alas, he decided to go against the norm. We moved Hannah's seat to right behind Herrick so she could watch her movie in comfort (as opposed to leaning over Maddie's seat), and viola! The orphaned diaper bag was left sitting in the same spot it was placed - right by the tire. And we didn't even have a receipt for a sweet tea that could lead us back to the same place on the way back to pick it up.

Hello, $130 replenishment fund.

We got to see lots of family the next day, and that was so great! We haven't seen his side of the family in about 4 years, and it was about time we made it up there. I've never seen Cincinnati! And that is still true...

...Because it ends up that I stayed back on Sunday after discovering that Madelyn had a fever that wouldn't break with Tylenol OR Motrin. By the time Herrick returned with Hannah, went out and got dinner, and came back to the room, it was 8:30PM, and Madelyn was a hot 105 degrees. (We think a little cooler than that, but after that reading, we weren't playing!) Off to the nearest urgent care facility we go!

Now, what could be more perfect than a UC visit, than one with some interesting folk? Enter the "Dualy Couple". A special blonde and her maybe boyfriend enter the room, he's got a cut-off shirt with a mega tear in the back and an ace bandage around his wrist and hand. He starts to complain about the pain (now, who saw that coming?), and about how he went to the ER a week and a half ago, got x-rayed, and sent home with meds, but he hasn't slept in 4 days, because of the pain. Apparently, he ran out of meds. Wait, scratch that, he decided to change his story - they ran over it. Complete with the description of the "dualy truck" that ran it over. Refusal of service in 5, 4, 3...you get the picture.

Then there's the 16 year old sitting next to me complaining that she can't even sit it hurts so bad.

Hmm. I'm dying to find out if what I'm thinking is correct.

Luckily, while waiting in an actual room, I got to hear it through the wall: honey, we're pregnant. You got it.

Man oh man. It turns out Madelyn broke her fever at the office, but she's got a nasty little ear infection. Thanks "Jack that LOVES pickles" (Hannah's description of her friend)!!! We really appreciate that snot you sneezed on Hannah last week!

$145 goes to Dr. Johnston and his clan...

Oh wait, I almost forgot! While paying for that ordeal, I get a phone call from Herrick. He's out in the car with Hannah and he yells into the phone, "We've got to get out of here! I just pulled a tack out of the side wall of my tire! If we don't leave now, we'll be stranded here!"

After a morning (saved by his sister) of searching for an open tire place that actually carries Herrick's of course rare tire, we found one and got out of the hotel 15 minutes before the late checkout time of 1PM.

$165 for a replacement tire.

After nearly $500 in emergency costs, I'm home and ready to forget the weekend's stress.

There's one thing I did learn this weekend, and that was a great moment of clarity for me. I chowed this weekend. A ton. On lots of good food. It was after a Montgomery Inn entree of two pork chops, onion straws (OMG), a sweet potato, and some Saratoga Chips, I mentally looked back on my intake. I didn't feel guilty. I was stuffed to the max, though.

And it hit me.

I mentally mushed all of that chewed up food into a ball. I pictured it sitting in my stomach, making me bulge outward, and realized something:

Even though I can fully, without guilt, enjoy a enormous plate of amazing food, I know the reason I gain weight. I know it's obvious, but I actually pictured it.

The human stomach, on a normal basis, is about 10 inches long and holds about 50mL of food. That's about 1.65 ozs. of food when it's empty. The normal expansion (to the "full" feeling) is to 1L, which is about 33 ozs. of food. Now, imagine how much food it takes to fill a normally expanded stomach! The average serving size of lean mean is between 4-5 ozs. I was full when I left the restaurant, which means I probably ate a good 33 oz. of food. That is not normal. That is why I'm overweight.

I just pictured what that amount of food looked like in my stomach, and thought, "No wonder."

Having this hallelujah moment helped me in so many ways. I've always known that being "full" wasn't good. That eating that much food, even if it's healthy food, isn't good. It's calorie intake that determines weight gain and loss, of course along with activity levels, but thinking about how many times I've been full in my life really opened my eyes. I was eating well over 33 ozs. of food at each meal, and that was the reason why I'm where I'm at right now.

Off The Beaten Path

Okay, I admit it. I’ve totally slacked this week. What the heck?

I’ve been so motivated to get my ass in gear, and then life gets in the way. Wait, scratch that. I let life get in the way.

I started the week off awesome. Did my Insanity cardio and full body workout, and then BAM! Major wreckage. I mean, it’s like someone hit the emergency brakes on a speeding train. My calves went nuts on me after Monday’s workout, so I rested the next day…then I got no sleep that night, which made me crash yesterday after work.

I don’t know what to do. I have a trip to Cincinnati planned this weekend, too, so I know that’s not going to help me in any way. Unless I really try. I bet if I focused on eating the healthiest I possibly can on our trip, all the walking through the zoo and such will help me get all the activity I need.

My head is in the right place. I want it. Badly. I’ll be home Monday, and I can try and get a cardio session in that night. We’ll see what happens as far as what time we get in. I’m going to take the time in the car to plan out everything about my days. Workouts (already planned), food, schedules, everything.

I feel like my life is so unscheduled and wacky that it’s hard for me to “find time” to do things. I don’t manage my time well at all…and I need to work on that. I get distracted too easily as well. Put those two together and you’ve got one heck of a bad equation working against you.

As far as my mindset, here’s where I’m at: you know when you’re thinking about your future body and you think of an athletic, lean body…you think tight abs, long, lean legs, strong shoulders? The first thing that comes to mind for me recently: how badly I want to work so hard I feel pain. No lie. I want to crunch hard enough on the weighted crunches that I want to scream out loud. I want to put so hard on my chest presses that I want to cry. I want to feel the pain of working hard. I want to run far enough or fast enough or both enough that I’m sweating buckets. I want to walk out with drenched clothes. I want to look back on every workout and know I brought it. That’s the mindset I’m in. I want that. I want to put that work in. That was the whole idea behind my “Bring It Challenge”. I need to go back and revise it slightly.

I’m also quitting journaling on sites all together. No, not the blog. The fitness forums. I’ll use those for training tips if need be. There are so many reasons why I am leaving it, even though I started a new account and everything, but I need to. I want to focus on one thing only: the relationship between my body and me. So, I don’t need five million places to check into every day. I’m having a hard time managing time in the first place. I want to search out some inspiring blogs. Inspiring people. Surrounding myself with positive, healthy, motivated people is what I really need these days.

As I write this, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve changed over the past several months, and I have to say, my confidence is better. I don’t look at myself in disgust anymore, which is a relief. I’m starting to see myself in a different way, and instead of looking in the mirror and crying about how I look now, I actually look and see myself as the future me. I’ve dreamed about what I’ll look like. I know what I’ll look like.

I just need to get there.

And with hard work, I will.

After my spontaneous vacation to Cincinnati. Luckily, when I get back, it’ll be the beginning of a new month. Even better. I hate starting in the middle.

The 'Bring It' Challenge

Alright, no more effing around. Pardon me, but that's what it is.

It's time for me to see what I've got. It's time for me to prove myself wrong with a bunch of barf-worthy workouts, some serious discipline with my eating, and some self image overhauling.

First, I've started a new account on FitDay. I've decided that keeping track of my calorie intake is what I need to do in order to look out for myself. I'll be making a point to log in twice a day to update food: once after lunch, once after dinner.

Second, I'm starting a new workout schedule, and I'm hoping that it can get me into the mode of going to the gym/working out 6 times a week. I need to do this in order to get myself in the habit. Without the habit, I never make it a point to where working out is 'just part of my day'.

I'm also taking on some of the Insanity workouts as my source of cardio for the day. I am still training for a half marathon in the spring, so I will have some long runs worked into my routine.

I have a goal date in mind: to see how fit, strong, and healthy I can become by August 30th. Wait, why that date?

Because. I don't want to ring in my 28th birthday feeling the way I do. I've spent 28 years fighting bad diets, emotional attachment to food, lack of exercise, and genes. No more. I'm tired of it!!!

So. Here are my goals (with no deadlines!):

1. To make every workout worth it. To BRING IT.
2. To make sure I work out every day I'm scheduled to work out.
3. To first take a breath and think before I eat. Am I hungry? Do I really want to waste my hard work on this food?
4. To drink 3 liters of water a day. At least.
5. To reward myself with something other than food when I reach a goal.
6. To foam roll after EVERY workout.
7. To look in the mirror every morning and love myself out loud.

Month One:

Sundays: Rest/Yoga
Mondays: Full Body w/Abs, Cardio
Tuesdays: Long Run
Wednesdays: Full Body w/Abs
Thursdays: Short Run, Yoga
Fridays: Full Body w/Abs, Cardio
Saturdays: Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Wishful Thinking

I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but there's one thing I've noticed a lot of lately:

People comparing themselves to others: another woman in the gym, a sister, a celebrity, or someone they're friends with. It makes me aware of my own comparisons.

I almost always compare myself to my sisters. Why? Because they're the same blood...I should look like them, right? Not. They're 25 and 24. I'm 27, so the oldest. They're 5'3" and 5'1". I'm 5'8". They're small-framed, and I'm not. They have straight, perfect hair. I have wavy, coarse hair. They've got green eyes; I've got blue. The only thing we DO have in common, body-wise, is that all three of us have two kids each.

They're both thin. I'm still, as usual, like my entire life, struggling with my weight.

I'm constantly comparing myself to them, and what I'm beginning to notice is that I am not them. Nothing about the two of them, compared to me, is the same. They both gained twice the amount of weight with each of their pregnancies than I have with mine, and look at them now: thin, happy, and completely capable of walking into a store, trying something on, and not walk out crying. (Well, unless of course they're having a "fat" moment that every woman has on occasion.)

I don't, on a daily basis, compare myself with anyone, and this is a huge difference from when I was in high school. However, what I do do is wish a lot. I think about what I'll look like thin, what it'd be like to walk into a store and buy a piece of clothing without looking for everything with an empire waist, and what it'd be like to finally wear all of the clothes that I have in my closet waiting for the "thin Melissa" to show up.

It'd be so nice to not look in the mirror and see an overly flabby tummy.

I'm hormonal right now...this doesn't help.

I'm always getting geared up to do something and work hard, but I've been backing down again. This can't be a good sign. Why is it that when you think of what you'll look in the future after all the hard work, you lose sight of that soon thereafter? I don't know what my issue is.

I'm glad I've never really compared myself to anyone but my sisters...but what I realize is that wishful thinking, the kind where you start looking in the mirror and picking yourself apart, is no healthier. I need to start making wiser decisions and get a move on. I'm tired of this sad feeling...and I need to start being stronger. For myself.