Habitual Habit Making & Breaking

I have a bad habit: constantly breaking habits and making habits.

After my wonderful Saturday morning of finding out my weight loss was great for the week and that running is definitely my new love and reason for the ease of this said weight loss, I was bad.

First, nibble nibble nibble. Bad Mess, BAD! Second, I downed maybe a liter of water each day.

I researched on several websites what people consider the optimal time it takes to break a bad (or good!) habit. The longest I saw was six weeks...but it was never less than 28 days, or 4 weeks.

It's been a week of consistency for me. Consistent meals, consistent water intakes, consistent working out. Look at all the the success that brought me! 7 pounds down, better skin, control over my appetite. Then, after my meeting and workout Saturday morning, I boo booed. I added fruits to my diet via a shake...strawberries, a banana, and a cup of almond milk. I had this along with my egg white scramble with feta, spinach, and tomatoes. THEN I skipped lunch. Bad idea.

I was starving by dinner, devoured sushi (albeit, it was low cal sushi), and I sipped a few sips of milkshake from H. The next day was worse...and a rest day to boot. Nibbles here, nibbles there...complete lack of control. And VERY little water. I couldn't break myself out of the slump!!! I was surprised to see I didn't go over my points (and a few extra points I'm allowed a week anyway).

However, I'm up 2 pounds. BAH!!!! Hello, lack of water = water retention.


I've learned my lesson, and I've already downed 2 liters today. I'm also right on track with meals.

This is what I've learned:

I have a habit of trying to get into GOOD habits, and then breaking them.
I have a habit of trying to get out of BAD habits, and then making them. Again.

I have the "Dieter's Syndrome" of doing really well, doing poorly for one meal, and then being bad for an entire day. Hello, time to stop the insanity...it's time to bring the problem to a halt the MOMENT I know it's destroying my efforts. Not "tomorrow".

I have also learned that I need to figure out how to do the following:

Keep with the habits I have during the week. If I'm out during lunch, at least have a snack ready for that time. If I don't keep myself satisfied, I binge or nibble.

I need to have a PLAN. Without a plan, I'm in trouble.

Remove desserts from the house. With them in the house, I go for them. If they're there, they call my name. If they aren't, I don't think about them.

Carry my water bottle with me at all times. No explanation needed.

DO NOT skip meals. Again, no-brainer.

In order for me to get out of the habit of nibbling and into the habit of consistently drinking water...I need at least 30 days.

A Bag Of Sugar & A 2-lb. Dumbbell Lighter

Weight Watchers is my new best friend!!

Feeling free makes things SO much easier. After deciding to scrape a few things off my plate into the trash can, I've been able to focus on some very important things: my health and my happiness.

After deciding to restart Weight Watchers, I also put my foot down and told myself not to wuss out and ignore the fact that I desperately needed to incorporate more exercise into my life. Not just because it helps me lose weight, but because it makes me feel a million times better. It also helps me make better choices.

Case in point: evenings. I have a tendency to snack. The second I get home, especially when the hubby isn't there yet, I want to head to the fridge or the cabinets. WHY!?!? I must have gotten myself into the habit of doing so. What I noticed this week, is that even though it's so much harder to hit the gym after work, it prevents me from thinking about the cabinets. I work 6:30AM-2:30PM, and I'm at the gym by 3:15PM if traffic's flowing smoothly. By the time I get out, get the kids, and get home, it's time to make dinner. On my rest day this week...the snacking was SO much more tempting. Eye opener right there. It's not hunger, it's habit.

I got 4 runs in this week, totaling 9 miles. (3, 1, 3, 2.) I got two full body lifting sessions in towards the end of the week. Along with counting points, I lost 7 pounds. 209.4 down to 202.6. (Okay, I'm giving myself the 0.2 pounds. Haha.)

That's a bag of sugar


AND a 2-lb. dumbbell lighter.

I wonder what's in store for me this week???

All I know is that my last run was incredible until my iPod died. I lost my train of thought that day. Here's what I'm going to try to do this week: add a mile on. I somehow focused in on the shadow of a diver in the Gulf on CNN that day and forgot to look at the time or distance on the treadmill. I kept thinking about my post weight loss body. I kept thinking about how much I've already accomplished and how in control I feel. Something was so refreshing about that run. Until the iPod died. I need to learn how to meditate when I run...I literally lost my train of thought when it turned off. I might make my speed runs iPod free to get myself less dependent.

This week's goals:
1. Lose the last 2 lbs. of my 200s. I'm RIGHT. THERE.

2. Even on "rest days", get myself to the gym for a mile run. I need to reprogram my mind. I don't want to feel panicky on days I'm resting...snacking gets me nowhere.

3. Keep strong and right on track all days this week...my best friend arrives Wednesday night, and she's a partier. She's an eater (and 5'1", and wears Gap KIDS clothing if she wants to). I need to stay in control...especially after using some of my weekly points for SUSHI last night!
4. Go to my meeting and the gym Saturday morning, regardless of what shenanigans I get into on Friday night. (DANCING!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!) (If I don't get to the gym, then it might be okay...dancing for hours on end can count!)

Here's to a fantastic second week!!!!

When You Let Yourself Free

Do you ever wake up one day and realize you've made the best decision for yourself ever?

Cue this morning. And yesterday morning. And the morning before.

I woke up on July 1st, weighing 209.4 pounds. After the quick consult with my pal Lisa, haha, I decided to hit the points counter. I was extremely scared of counting calories. At this point in my life, I don't have the time to measure, cut, weigh EVERY single morsel of food I put in my mouth. Besides, I knew WW's point system already from a previous 16-pound loss.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself 5 days into the program. 6.4 pounds down. No lie. That's with exercise and eating every last point I'm allowed. (They pick points for your weight, based on a 500 calorie a day deficit. If I'm burning an extra 500 a day, then guess what? That's a 2 pound loss for each week. Easy. PERFECT.)

I'm 2.5 pounds from being lighter than 200 pounds. WHAT!? It's RIGHT there! I can taste it! I can FEEL it! My pants are about to fall off. My shirts are fitting better. My energy is sky-rocketing.

Not only am I feeling great about my food, but I'm LOVING my motivation to run. I've accomplished two 3-mile runs in the past 3 days. I'm feeling the energy it's giving me, my legs are feeling stronger, my form is so much better, and I've increased my pace. I'll be ready for those half marathons next season for sure. I am promising myself some serious promises now.

1. I promise to stop thinking I can't do it. I CAN do it. I HAVE done it. I WILL do it.

2. I promise to remind myself of how much I deserve to be healthy and happy.

3. I promise to live my life in the most carefree, enjoyable way possible. I promise to live life as if I were looking through my girls' eyes.

4. I promise to keep in touch with my close friends and family more. To write love letters to my husband.

5. I promise, more than anything, to be a happy, healthy, energetic example for my children.

I feel like I made a decision that freed me mentally. I happy. I'm excited. I've cut down on my portions in more ways than one: my plate is filled, but the size of the plate is smaller these days. People are right when they say everything is okay in moderation...and that includes the amount of stress you place on yourself to be "Superwoman".

I'm looking forward to weigh-in day on Saturday!

Warning, Construction Zone!

Yes, I went missing. However, I have returned!

It's been a hard couple of weeks for me...lots of craziness going on around me, and well, I hit a point where I didn't know what to do with myself as far as my weight loss/running/diet goes.

See, I've been trying to count calories. Wait, let's rewind a little.

First, let me give you a list of things I worry about every day:

Kids.
Husband.
Our house.
The gym.
Blogs. (This one and AngelFoodie...and then there's the family one I haven't updated since March.)
Posting in Oxygen.
My job. (Obviously this isn't in any order.)
Counting calories.
My therapy journal.
My two-hour commute.
My new side job as a freelance journalist.

I am constantly trying to do all of the above perfectly. When that doesn't happen, I'm terribly down on myself. I am setting myself up for disappointment! Why? Who knows...I think in my own head, I'd prefer to be superwoman (or look like superwoman) than do so much less, but better.

Not anymore. I decided to start taking my life back.

Currently, this is what's on my plate (in order) after that (hopefully) life-changing decision I made yesterday:

Family.
Our house.
My job.
The gym.
My therapy journal.
Weight Watchers meetings.
Blogs. (This one and the family one I haven't updated since March.)

A little explanation. I cut the recent decision to freelance from my list. While I feel accomplished in getting the job, I can't see myself being clear-minded enough to come up with local foodie articles every day. I have so much going on at work that it's hard for me to take a break to write. When I write, I'm super detailed. Every word must be spelled correctly, grammar must be superb...(okay, there's an occasion misstep, sure). I don't have the time. I don't know how I thought I did.

Family is ALWAYS first and foremost important. Of course. No explanation needed there, but I have to say, I need to start focusing on my time with them. I will help myself through this tremendously by cutting down on what I think I need to be handling. The house. I've figured out that I just need a daily plan/to-do list! Cross 'em off, baby...laundry once a day, non-Roomba vacuuming on weekends, etc...

I was having a seriously hard time with what to do with my big blog, AngelFoodie Eats. It has gotten me to "Featured Publisher" status on FoodBuzz. I LOVE to cook. I love to hear that my food is delicious. I LOVE that I am "important enough" to be a featured publisher. I was holding onto it, because I felt...important. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. Gotta come up with new recipes! Gotta take pictures! Gotta write! Gotta get more traffic.

Screw that. Too much stress.

Oxygen...I've met a few wonderful ladies there, but after starting a new journal, AGAIN, there, I found there's something making me cringe. The negativity. For instance, new journal. It got rated 5 stars. Cool! Then someone came through and downrated it with a 1, making it a 3.

Childish.

Even though I don't give a rat's ass who did it or that it was done...here's what I do care about:

Maturity. Support. Friendship. Respect.

Here's where I rant:

A fitness forum is supposed to be a form of support. Somewhere a person can go to, vent, ask questions, make friends, get ideas, and just be. Sometimes you come across a person that needs more support, at the time, than he or she can give at the time. Like me. I go in there, vent, journal workouts, etc. I wish I had time to go in everyone else's journals and comment. I just very rarely have the time. So, sure, I shouldn't expect much traffic. However, my traffic shouldn't include someone who goes out of his or her way to sabotage the positive, supportive feeling someone gets out of a place like that. I don't know...I guess some people need to do stuff like that to validate themselves? Anyway, the rating doesn't matter to me...what does is that I'm looking for a mature audience. Haha. So, I've decided to just stick to my lovely blog. I just don't have a good feeling about that place anymore...

Now it comes down to calorie counting. I've heard too many times of how calorie counting has caused people to become obsessive. (This sort of brings me back to Oxygen...I'm finding that the people that cause the issues around there are of the obsessive type.) First, I don't have the time. I barely have time to cut my own vegetables, let alone weigh them. Haha. Second, I can't remember all the numbers. I can't seem to figure out where my thresholds are: what's too high? what's too low? I'm too all over the place, and something's been telling me not to do this. Oh, that's right...it's my gut...feeling.

So, after my friend Lisa mentioned Weight Watchers...I remembered the success that I had with it. I remembered how easy it was for me to lose 16 pounds in a month. I remember how good it felt to know I actually HAD to stay accountable, because someone was weighing me. I didn't feel ashamed walking in there. I felt renewed...

So yesterday, I rejoined.

What a perfect day to join, too...this is for another post. A fresh post!

A Goal Without A Plan Is Just A Wish (6/17/10)

LOVE the quote that is my post title so much that I made it just that!!!

SO.
As I mentioned yesterday, I was watching Losing It and did my pilates and yoga...and it dawned on me how wonderful I felt afterward. I thought, "Okay, so those people on 'Losing It' can do it, and they didn't do it with one workout a day. Now it's time to get into action."

I'm tired of seeing results extremely slow...granted, sure, the results will remain results, but I know that if I put my mind to it, eat well, and workout hard without overdoing it, I can see results faster. How am I going to do that without wearing myself out, you ask?

Here's how:

This was the plan at the beginning of the week:

Sunday: Rest
Monday: FB & Cardio
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: FB & Cardio
Thursday: Rest
Friday: FB & Cardio
Saturday: Long run

What is it now??

Sunday: Rest (COMPLETE)
Monday: FB & Cardio (COMPLETE)
Tuesday: Pilates & Yoga PM (COMPLETE)
Wednesday: FB, Cardio AM/ Pilates & Meditation PM (COMPLETE)
Thursday: Yoga & Meditation PM
Friday: FB, Cardio AM (Camping For Father's Day PM)
Saturday: Camping For Father's Day (Hiking, Fishing, Swimming?)

Want to know the results? Almost 2" off my waist.

I'm busting my tubby little ass. Haha.

I feel great, but I'm super sore. My abs are burning, and luckily, they'll get a break this weekend.

My plan for next week is to up my runs some more...I'm trying to get to 3-4 miles comfortably several times a week before I really start working on adding distance. We'll see how it goes!

As far as food goes, I've decided I'm going to experiment:

Fresh fruits, fresh veggies, lean protein (local!), and minuscule amounts of whole wheat pastas/rices. Basically, I'm going to cut out anything boxed. I'm going to steer clear of cookies, cakes, ice cream, etc...I want to see exactly how "perfect" I can get my diet...

...Which will be tested tonight. My grandma's birthday is tonight, and of course that means pizza and cake.
Not for this chick...a salad and lean meat and NO cake!!! I love that this is happening for me right now, because it'll put me to the test. How strong is my willpower?? How bad do I want this weight to come off?

You'll find out tomorrow!!!

Non-Fat Fun

I already blew that gift card. Yikes! Oh well...I did buy some things that I deserve (including the books I bought the other day), and I did use it to fund my girls' weekend with my friend Amanda. (I went to DC over the weekend, and it was a much needed, deserved, satisfying break, I must say!)

While I loved that I got away from it all, what I loved even more was that I looked forward to getting home to my husband and my girls. H and I saw "Sex and The City 2" the night it came out, and part of the movie dealt with taking a 2-day break from a marriage. By the end of the movie, the characters that didn't agree with it, believed in it.

I see what the movie meant now. I hadn't had a weekend "off" from my relationship (hello, I never take breaks from my marriage) with my husband since we met. That's 6 years. 3 of which involve taking care of children. While I never feel burdened by any of my duties, feelings, etc., I do need a break from time to time. Why? Because everyone needs rest. We sleep at night to give our bodies a rest. We need to give our minds a rest, too. Spend some time on ourselves.

I let my husband play games with his buddy from time to time. I agree to him taking off for 20 minutes on his dirt bike randomly. He goes on sporadic camping trips with my dad. I now understand why that's good for him.

Don't get me wrong. I missed kissing and nibbling on baby cheeks. I missed hearing Hannah belt out random songs or make me laugh when she gets an attitude and doesn't know what she means by it. I missed snuggling up to my husband at night. It was all worth it knowing I came home feeling refreshed, relaxed, and not so overwhelmed. I'm sure he knows what I mean.

Anyways, back to the gift card...
I bought two new dresses, some bracelets, and a flower for my hair from H&M.
How do you like 'em!? I love them, and they're both in small sizes to help motivate me...I'll be seeing the non-fat version of me soon.

(PS: Lost a pound over the weekend, too. That doesn't normally happen on vacation!)

Last night, I watched "Losing It" with Jillian. Hello, motivation!

Not only is Jillian freaking AMAZING...

...but her energy is contagious. Last night it was about a family involving a single mom with two girls (in their 20s) and a son. The son was a focus of the show (that always makes me feel bad), but the mother and two daughters were: for their fear of trust and issues with body image.

In short, the ending was amazing. And by amazing, I mean amazing. Both daughters are my size. Well, were. They gave themselves a 30-40 pound weight loss goal for 8 weeks. One even said she'd just like to be a size 6. The mother gave herself a 20 pound weight loss goal, but Jill bumped it to 40.

Needless to say, the daughters did it, and they looked amazing. The mother, on the other hand, exceeded expectations by losing 74 pounds.

Hello. Why can't I do that?!?!

So even though I set Tuesday as a rest day, it motivated me to get my ass up off the couch and do pilates and yoga as I had hoped to do that day.

It then dawned on me.

I felt amazing. There's that word again.

I remember back in college, I did a summer of pilates, and I was at my most flexible, most sound, and most happy. (Well, second most happy...I was happier with my body my last semester of college.)

Anyways, pilates, a lunar mediation, forward bends, and shavasana combined, and I was IN. HEAVEN.

Not to mention I got to show off my cobbler's pose!!

So, with the discovery of how relaxed, loosed up, and wonderful I felt last night after 45 minutes of heavenly pilates/yoga, I've decided on something: I have a new set of goals. Stay tuned...this'll get me feeling like I'm on the set of "Losing It" with Jillian.

Almost Abyssal

Self Worth.

It's a deep topic, and it's one of the hardest topics to discuss, too. Why? Because it's taboo. Or so it seems. No one wants to admit that the have low self esteem. No one wants to admit that they don't love themselves...but what's even harder, at least in my opinion, is learning to love yourself the way you should.

Have you ever had someone tell you to "hug yourself in the mirror"? Have you ever heard someone look in the mirror and, out loud, talk themselves up? I do neither of those things. Most of the time, when I look in the mirror, it doesn't involve negative talk, but it doesn't involve positive reinforcement, either.

What it does involve is "I won't look like this soon" comments.

What brings me to talk about this subject is an incident with my husband last week. I won't get into marital details, for the sake of privacy, but I will say that low self worth is a huge burden on my marriage.

I don't believe in myself most days. I don't feel like I deserve half of what I have in my life. I feel like people are my friends out of pity. I feel like my husband is obligated to compliment me, because he's my husband. Same with my family. My family (and I mean everyone) tells me I'm smart...I don't see it. When someone helps me clean the house or take care of something, I feel like it's because I haven't done it well enough. I feel like I don't fit in at work. I've tried being myself. I've tried being what I thought other people wanted me to be.
I know this is all bogus crap. I shouldn't feel this way. There are tons of things that actually lead me to think this way, all dating back to when I was little, but I can tell you...it's very sad that the idea of hugging myself or loving myself out loud makes me cringe. It makes me feel stupid and silly. It makes me nervous - scared my husband will walk in and laugh at me.

I picked up a few books this weekend with my gift card from work. Along with two new "fit into" dresses, a yoga mat bag, some new running shorts in a smaller size, some flip flops, and some other goodies.

The books?

"Learning To Love Yourself", "Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide", "The Self Esteem Guided Journal: A Ten Week Program", and "365 Yoga: Daily Meditations". Call me the crazy, self help lady, but you know what? I owe it to myself and to my family and friends to start healing.

So far, I've read part of the first one, but I haven't gotten to the part on how to start changing my mindset. I do know I fit the profile of someone needing to really help herself...because I put all of my efforts to love and please into my family and friends, and never into myself. This doesn't mean I will be ignoring anyone now...it just means I need to help myself and believe in myself for a change. Take a break when I need it. You know...the things that are obvious to happy people.
From here on out, you'll be seeing random posts about what I'm learning, because sometimes, people don't know to look for help...or they are too embarrassed. Why not share what I'm learning? Maybe it'll help someone find themselves, too.