Off The Beaten Path

Okay, I admit it. I’ve totally slacked this week. What the heck?

I’ve been so motivated to get my ass in gear, and then life gets in the way. Wait, scratch that. I let life get in the way.

I started the week off awesome. Did my Insanity cardio and full body workout, and then BAM! Major wreckage. I mean, it’s like someone hit the emergency brakes on a speeding train. My calves went nuts on me after Monday’s workout, so I rested the next day…then I got no sleep that night, which made me crash yesterday after work.

I don’t know what to do. I have a trip to Cincinnati planned this weekend, too, so I know that’s not going to help me in any way. Unless I really try. I bet if I focused on eating the healthiest I possibly can on our trip, all the walking through the zoo and such will help me get all the activity I need.

My head is in the right place. I want it. Badly. I’ll be home Monday, and I can try and get a cardio session in that night. We’ll see what happens as far as what time we get in. I’m going to take the time in the car to plan out everything about my days. Workouts (already planned), food, schedules, everything.

I feel like my life is so unscheduled and wacky that it’s hard for me to “find time” to do things. I don’t manage my time well at all…and I need to work on that. I get distracted too easily as well. Put those two together and you’ve got one heck of a bad equation working against you.

As far as my mindset, here’s where I’m at: you know when you’re thinking about your future body and you think of an athletic, lean body…you think tight abs, long, lean legs, strong shoulders? The first thing that comes to mind for me recently: how badly I want to work so hard I feel pain. No lie. I want to crunch hard enough on the weighted crunches that I want to scream out loud. I want to put so hard on my chest presses that I want to cry. I want to feel the pain of working hard. I want to run far enough or fast enough or both enough that I’m sweating buckets. I want to walk out with drenched clothes. I want to look back on every workout and know I brought it. That’s the mindset I’m in. I want that. I want to put that work in. That was the whole idea behind my “Bring It Challenge”. I need to go back and revise it slightly.

I’m also quitting journaling on sites all together. No, not the blog. The fitness forums. I’ll use those for training tips if need be. There are so many reasons why I am leaving it, even though I started a new account and everything, but I need to. I want to focus on one thing only: the relationship between my body and me. So, I don’t need five million places to check into every day. I’m having a hard time managing time in the first place. I want to search out some inspiring blogs. Inspiring people. Surrounding myself with positive, healthy, motivated people is what I really need these days.

As I write this, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve changed over the past several months, and I have to say, my confidence is better. I don’t look at myself in disgust anymore, which is a relief. I’m starting to see myself in a different way, and instead of looking in the mirror and crying about how I look now, I actually look and see myself as the future me. I’ve dreamed about what I’ll look like. I know what I’ll look like.

I just need to get there.

And with hard work, I will.

After my spontaneous vacation to Cincinnati. Luckily, when I get back, it’ll be the beginning of a new month. Even better. I hate starting in the middle.