Wishful Thinking

I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but there's one thing I've noticed a lot of lately:

People comparing themselves to others: another woman in the gym, a sister, a celebrity, or someone they're friends with. It makes me aware of my own comparisons.

I almost always compare myself to my sisters. Why? Because they're the same blood...I should look like them, right? Not. They're 25 and 24. I'm 27, so the oldest. They're 5'3" and 5'1". I'm 5'8". They're small-framed, and I'm not. They have straight, perfect hair. I have wavy, coarse hair. They've got green eyes; I've got blue. The only thing we DO have in common, body-wise, is that all three of us have two kids each.

They're both thin. I'm still, as usual, like my entire life, struggling with my weight.

I'm constantly comparing myself to them, and what I'm beginning to notice is that I am not them. Nothing about the two of them, compared to me, is the same. They both gained twice the amount of weight with each of their pregnancies than I have with mine, and look at them now: thin, happy, and completely capable of walking into a store, trying something on, and not walk out crying. (Well, unless of course they're having a "fat" moment that every woman has on occasion.)

I don't, on a daily basis, compare myself with anyone, and this is a huge difference from when I was in high school. However, what I do do is wish a lot. I think about what I'll look like thin, what it'd be like to walk into a store and buy a piece of clothing without looking for everything with an empire waist, and what it'd be like to finally wear all of the clothes that I have in my closet waiting for the "thin Melissa" to show up.

It'd be so nice to not look in the mirror and see an overly flabby tummy.

I'm hormonal right now...this doesn't help.

I'm always getting geared up to do something and work hard, but I've been backing down again. This can't be a good sign. Why is it that when you think of what you'll look in the future after all the hard work, you lose sight of that soon thereafter? I don't know what my issue is.

I'm glad I've never really compared myself to anyone but my sisters...but what I realize is that wishful thinking, the kind where you start looking in the mirror and picking yourself apart, is no healthier. I need to start making wiser decisions and get a move on. I'm tired of this sad feeling...and I need to start being stronger. For myself.