Thursday, June 17, 2010

A Goal Without A Plan Is Just A Wish (6/17/10)

LOVE the quote that is my post title so much that I made it just that!!!


SO.
As I mentioned yesterday, I was watching Losing It and did my pilates and yoga...and it dawned on me how wonderful I felt afterward. I thought, "Okay, so those people on 'Losing It' can do it, and they didn't do it with one workout a day. Now it's time to get into action."

I'm tired of seeing results extremely slow...granted, sure, the results will remain results, but I know that if I put my mind to it, eat well, and workout hard without overdoing it, I can see results faster. How am I going to do that without wearing myself out, you ask?

Here's how:

This was the plan at the beginning of the week:

Sunday: Rest
Monday: FB & Cardio
Tuesday: Yoga
Wednesday: FB & Cardio
Thursday: Rest
Friday: FB & Cardio
Saturday: Long run

What is it now??

Sunday: Rest (COMPLETE)
Monday: FB & Cardio (COMPLETE)
Tuesday: Pilates & Yoga PM (COMPLETE)
Wednesday: FB, Cardio AM/ Pilates & Meditation PM (COMPLETE)
Thursday: Yoga & Meditation PM
Friday: FB, Cardio AM (Camping For Father's Day PM)
Saturday: Camping For Father's Day (Hiking, Fishing, Swimming?)

Want to know the results? Almost 2" off my waist.

I'm busting my tubby little ass. Haha.

I feel great, but I'm super sore. My abs are burning, and luckily, they'll get a break this weekend.

My plan for next week is to up my runs some more...I'm trying to get to 3-4 miles comfortably several times a week before I really start working on adding distance. We'll see how it goes!

As far as food goes, I've decided I'm going to experiment:

Fresh fruits, fresh veggies, lean protein (local!), and minuscule amounts of whole wheat pastas/rices. Basically, I'm going to cut out anything boxed. I'm going to steer clear of cookies, cakes, ice cream, etc...I want to see exactly how "perfect" I can get my diet...

...Which will be tested tonight. My grandma's birthday is tonight, and of course that means pizza and cake.
Not for this chick...a salad and lean meat and NO cake!!! I love that this is happening for me right now, because it'll put me to the test. How strong is my willpower?? How bad do I want this weight to come off?

You'll find out tomorrow!!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Non-Fat Fun

I already blew that gift card. Yikes! Oh well...I did buy some things that I deserve (including the books I bought the other day), and I did use it to fund my girls' weekend with my friend Amanda. (I went to DC over the weekend, and it was a much needed, deserved, satisfying break, I must say!)

While I loved that I got away from it all, what I loved even more was that I looked forward to getting home to my husband and my girls. H and I saw "Sex and The City 2" the night it came out, and part of the movie dealt with taking a 2-day break from a marriage. By the end of the movie, the characters that didn't agree with it, believed in it.

I see what the movie meant now. I hadn't had a weekend "off" from my relationship (hello, I never take breaks from my marriage) with my husband since we met. That's 6 years. 3 of which involve taking care of children. While I never feel burdened by any of my duties, feelings, etc., I do need a break from time to time. Why? Because everyone needs rest. We sleep at night to give our bodies a rest. We need to give our minds a rest, too. Spend some time on ourselves.

I let my husband play games with his buddy from time to time. I agree to him taking off for 20 minutes on his dirt bike randomly. He goes on sporadic camping trips with my dad. I now understand why that's good for him.

Don't get me wrong. I missed kissing and nibbling on baby cheeks. I missed hearing Hannah belt out random songs or make me laugh when she gets an attitude and doesn't know what she means by it. I missed snuggling up to my husband at night. It was all worth it knowing I came home feeling refreshed, relaxed, and not so overwhelmed. I'm sure he knows what I mean.

Anyways, back to the gift card...
I bought two new dresses, some bracelets, and a flower for my hair from H&M.
How do you like 'em!? I love them, and they're both in small sizes to help motivate me...I'll be seeing the non-fat version of me soon.

(PS: Lost a pound over the weekend, too. That doesn't normally happen on vacation!)

Last night, I watched "Losing It" with Jillian. Hello, motivation!

Not only is Jillian freaking AMAZING...

...but her energy is contagious. Last night it was about a family involving a single mom with two girls (in their 20s) and a son. The son was a focus of the show (that always makes me feel bad), but the mother and two daughters were: for their fear of trust and issues with body image.

In short, the ending was amazing. And by amazing, I mean amazing. Both daughters are my size. Well, were. They gave themselves a 30-40 pound weight loss goal for 8 weeks. One even said she'd just like to be a size 6. The mother gave herself a 20 pound weight loss goal, but Jill bumped it to 40.

Needless to say, the daughters did it, and they looked amazing. The mother, on the other hand, exceeded expectations by losing 74 pounds.

Hello. Why can't I do that?!?!

So even though I set Tuesday as a rest day, it motivated me to get my ass up off the couch and do pilates and yoga as I had hoped to do that day.

It then dawned on me.

I felt amazing. There's that word again.

I remember back in college, I did a summer of pilates, and I was at my most flexible, most sound, and most happy. (Well, second most happy...I was happier with my body my last semester of college.)

Anyways, pilates, a lunar mediation, forward bends, and shavasana combined, and I was IN. HEAVEN.

Not to mention I got to show off my cobbler's pose!!

So, with the discovery of how relaxed, loosed up, and wonderful I felt last night after 45 minutes of heavenly pilates/yoga, I've decided on something: I have a new set of goals. Stay tuned...this'll get me feeling like I'm on the set of "Losing It" with Jillian.

Almost Abyssal



Self Worth.

It's a deep topic, and it's one of the hardest topics to discuss, too. Why? Because it's taboo. Or so it seems. No one wants to admit that the have low self esteem. No one wants to admit that they don't love themselves...but what's even harder, at least in my opinion, is learning to love yourself the way you should.

Have you ever had someone tell you to "hug yourself in the mirror"? Have you ever heard someone look in the mirror and, out loud, talk themselves up? I do neither of those things. Most of the time, when I look in the mirror, it doesn't involve negative talk, but it doesn't involve positive reinforcement, either.

What it does involve is "I won't look like this soon" comments.

What brings me to talk about this subject is an incident with my husband last week. I won't get into marital details, for the sake of privacy, but I will say that low self worth is a huge burden on my marriage.

I don't believe in myself most days. I don't feel like I deserve half of what I have in my life. I feel like people are my friends out of pity. I feel like my husband is obligated to compliment me, because he's my husband. Same with my family. My family (and I mean everyone) tells me I'm smart...I don't see it. When someone helps me clean the house or take care of something, I feel like it's because I haven't done it well enough. I feel like I don't fit in at work. I've tried being myself. I've tried being what I thought other people wanted me to be.
I know this is all bogus crap. I shouldn't feel this way. There are tons of things that actually lead me to think this way, all dating back to when I was little, but I can tell you...it's very sad that the idea of hugging myself or loving myself out loud makes me cringe. It makes me feel stupid and silly. It makes me nervous - scared my husband will walk in and laugh at me.

I picked up a few books this weekend with my gift card from work. Along with two new "fit into" dresses, a yoga mat bag, some new running shorts in a smaller size, some flip flops, and some other goodies.

The books?

"Learning To Love Yourself", "Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide", "The Self Esteem Guided Journal: A Ten Week Program", and "365 Yoga: Daily Meditations". Call me the crazy, self help lady, but you know what? I owe it to myself and to my family and friends to start healing.

So far, I've read part of the first one, but I haven't gotten to the part on how to start changing my mindset. I do know I fit the profile of someone needing to really help herself...because I put all of my efforts to love and please into my family and friends, and never into myself. This doesn't mean I will be ignoring anyone now...it just means I need to help myself and believe in myself for a change. Take a break when I need it. You know...the things that are obvious to happy people.
From here on out, you'll be seeing random posts about what I'm learning, because sometimes, people don't know to look for help...or they are too embarrassed. Why not share what I'm learning? Maybe it'll help someone find themselves, too.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Playing Catch Up

Wowee. I have so much to catch up on!!

First, I apologize for the hiatus. It's been a bit hectic lately. Being a mom can throw some major curve balls in my direction, and I've been scrambling to catch them.

For example, I received a frantic phone call from my husband yesterday, panicking and asking where I should take our 11-month old daughter, Maddie, for an emergency...she fell on the asphalt and was passing out. That's all I got.

So, in typical mom fashion, I teared up, ran to my boss, explained, and drove 90mph down the highway, hazards on, tears rolling down my cheeks. The thought of something happening to my baby killed me. Fortunately, after a million calls to my husband and my mother-in-law, one of them finally called me back with news that she was up, playing, and had just had a CAT scan done.

She's all bruised up, but luckily, my baby's little brain is okay.


God forbid anything happens to her. I don't know what I would have done then, and I still don't know what I would do now or in the future.

The short version of what happened? My mother-in-law had her wrapped in a towel after playing in the pool, went to stand up, and Maddie fell out of the towel, head first. The pool now resides in the grass.

On top of that, she had a well-baby checkup last week that resulted in me finding out that there's an extra 'whoosh' in her heartbeat, so upon her next visit, they'll be checking it to make sure it hasn't changed.

After the ER visit in Cincinnati, this, and the ER visit yesterday, Madelyn's put me through enough heart-stopping moments before she's even a year old...I'm ready for a break.

Anyways, be ready for a good post tonight...lots of deep stuff, fun stuff, and healthy stuff to talk about!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Just When You Think Fortune Cookies Are A Hoax...

About a month ago, I came across a fortune that I stuck up on my refrigerator. Why? This wasn't just any fortune...this was a very important fortune that came at a time when I needed it to. Granted, thanks to life, I haven't been great about getting myself worked into a lifestyle that will guarantee this fortune...but seeing it again two nights ago seriously pumped me up.


How's THAT for a fortune, people!?!

What's even better is that I received a gift from work yesterday. After all of the role-hopping and extra work I've put in, they decided to reward some of us with a gift card. See, we met a milestone a month early. The reward amount?

A $500 VISA gift card!

So see...fortune cookies aren't a hoax all of the time. Hehe. I plan to save that card for some shopping when I hit my goals. I believe I deserve it, and luckily, the hubby feels the same way. Gotta love him!!

Speaking of new clothes, there are two dresses I bought in small sizes for when I reach goals. These dresses are hanging in plain view all the time...and I'm starting to feel an itch to wear 'em.

I need to take a better picture of them. They're AWESOME!

I can't write much more right now (I had to tell you about the fortune!), but I have a pretty deep blog post to put up in a little bit after I get in some yoga. Be on the lookout...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Goals For Week Of 6/1/10

Goals time!

Since I was interrupted by the disaster vacation, I have several "get on track" plans for this week:

1. Debloat.
  • Up my water intake.
  • Have a detox juice. (Made with fresh veggies and fruit and my own juicer.)
  • Eat as clean as possible.
2. Plan a healthy menu for the rest of the week, including lunches.

3. Start my workout program. Time to feel some burn. (By the end of the week, I want my body sore all over.)

4. Weigh in Saturday, along with measurements. This gives me time to debloat from the trip.

An Epiphany Amidst A Disaster Weekend

Oh how I am grateful that I have survived this weekend.

As a quick recap, it all began with a minute, yet completely inconvenient boo boo: we left the diaper bag somewhere between Bob Evans and Wendy's. Not sure which state we were in, but we stopped, for the fiftieth time, for Hannah to go potty, at a McDonald's. Now normally, Herrick would gladly get a sweet tea, but, alas, he decided to go against the norm. We moved Hannah's seat to right behind Herrick so she could watch her movie in comfort (as opposed to leaning over Maddie's seat), and viola! The orphaned diaper bag was left sitting in the same spot it was placed - right by the tire. And we didn't even have a receipt for a sweet tea that could lead us back to the same place on the way back to pick it up.

Hello, $130 replenishment fund.

We got to see lots of family the next day, and that was so great! We haven't seen his side of the family in about 4 years, and it was about time we made it up there. I've never seen Cincinnati! And that is still true...

...Because it ends up that I stayed back on Sunday after discovering that Madelyn had a fever that wouldn't break with Tylenol OR Motrin. By the time Herrick returned with Hannah, went out and got dinner, and came back to the room, it was 8:30PM, and Madelyn was a hot 105 degrees. (We think a little cooler than that, but after that reading, we weren't playing!) Off to the nearest urgent care facility we go!

Now, what could be more perfect than a UC visit, than one with some interesting folk? Enter the "Dualy Couple". A special blonde and her maybe boyfriend enter the room, he's got a cut-off shirt with a mega tear in the back and an ace bandage around his wrist and hand. He starts to complain about the pain (now, who saw that coming?), and about how he went to the ER a week and a half ago, got x-rayed, and sent home with meds, but he hasn't slept in 4 days, because of the pain. Apparently, he ran out of meds. Wait, scratch that, he decided to change his story - they ran over it. Complete with the description of the "dualy truck" that ran it over. Refusal of service in 5, 4, 3...you get the picture.

Then there's the 16 year old sitting next to me complaining that she can't even sit it hurts so bad.

Hmm. I'm dying to find out if what I'm thinking is correct.

Luckily, while waiting in an actual room, I got to hear it through the wall: honey, we're pregnant. You got it.

Man oh man. It turns out Madelyn broke her fever at the office, but she's got a nasty little ear infection. Thanks "Jack that LOVES pickles" (Hannah's description of her friend)!!! We really appreciate that snot you sneezed on Hannah last week!

$145 goes to Dr. Johnston and his clan...

Oh wait, I almost forgot! While paying for that ordeal, I get a phone call from Herrick. He's out in the car with Hannah and he yells into the phone, "We've got to get out of here! I just pulled a tack out of the side wall of my tire! If we don't leave now, we'll be stranded here!"

After a morning (saved by his sister) of searching for an open tire place that actually carries Herrick's of course rare tire, we found one and got out of the hotel 15 minutes before the late checkout time of 1PM.

$165 for a replacement tire.

After nearly $500 in emergency costs, I'm home and ready to forget the weekend's stress.

There's one thing I did learn this weekend, and that was a great moment of clarity for me. I chowed this weekend. A ton. On lots of good food. It was after a Montgomery Inn entree of two pork chops, onion straws (OMG), a sweet potato, and some Saratoga Chips, I mentally looked back on my intake. I didn't feel guilty. I was stuffed to the max, though.

And it hit me.

I mentally mushed all of that chewed up food into a ball. I pictured it sitting in my stomach, making me bulge outward, and realized something:

Even though I can fully, without guilt, enjoy a enormous plate of amazing food, I know the reason I gain weight. I know it's obvious, but I actually pictured it.

The human stomach, on a normal basis, is about 10 inches long and holds about 50mL of food. That's about 1.65 ozs. of food when it's empty. The normal expansion (to the "full" feeling) is to 1L, which is about 33 ozs. of food. Now, imagine how much food it takes to fill a normally expanded stomach! The average serving size of lean mean is between 4-5 ozs. I was full when I left the restaurant, which means I probably ate a good 33 oz. of food. That is not normal. That is why I'm overweight.

I just pictured what that amount of food looked like in my stomach, and thought, "No wonder."

Having this hallelujah moment helped me in so many ways. I've always known that being "full" wasn't good. That eating that much food, even if it's healthy food, isn't good. It's calorie intake that determines weight gain and loss, of course along with activity levels, but thinking about how many times I've been full in my life really opened my eyes. I was eating well over 33 ozs. of food at each meal, and that was the reason why I'm where I'm at right now.